Wednesday, June 30, 2010

dumby slaps for Kate!

I never plan on doing stupid things. I swear to you. Would it be cliche to say they just sort of happen? I guess I understand why people say it now. They really do just happen. Don't get me wrong, I know it's all my fault. I don't have to make that one choice that changes everything. I could always just do what I know I should. But that's rarely ever the case now is it? I guess I was beginning to feel invincible. Getting away with all the crazy stuff that's gone down in the past, God what is it now? Four, five months. But no one's invincible, nothing lasts forever. I'll admit I knew this day would come, I just always put that thought in the back of my mind. But that day has come. Not even fifteen minutes fresh. My summer's changed now, the rest of my high school career probably. Now I have to think even more critically. Possibly even do the right, responsible thing from now on.

I know what I did was wrong. I know this. I know this. But good stories hardly ever come from following the rules, obeying the law. And that is how I justify myself. In the end all we have is stories, and who wants to be stuck with sucky ones? I've created a lot of trouble for myself, but I've learned a lot these past months. I can get through this and come out even better.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bianca and Bailey

I cried once after Bianca died. Only once, right after we got the call from Mom and Dad at the hospital. Mom was sobbing in the background as Dad quietly explained that the car crashed right into the driver's door. Causing so much damage that she couldn't last through the surgery needed to save her life. As soon as he had hung up the phone I threw myself face down onto my bed and cried. It was one of those cried that seems to take away all of your strength. Great, body shaking sobs that start from the very center of your body. You cry so much, so hard, you can hardly breath. And once you're done you wipe your face and feel dried out, your body hollow.

After I cried I sat up on my bed and just stared at a picture of us taken recently, I think at our brother Ian's birthday party. We were both sitting close together on the couch, looking off to the side laughing. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but it always made me feel a little weird seeing her, looking exactly like me. My twin, my carbon copy. We both had long blonde hair, blue eyes. Our body's built the same: five foot six, not extremely thin, but definitely not fat. Our foreheads and noses crinkled the same way when we laughed. That's all anyone sees when they look at us, our twin-ness.

No one ever really looks for our differences, but as twins, trust me, we did. Like how her nose was slightly up-turned, mine more straight. Her eyes were a deeper hue of blue while mine had a greenish kind of tint to them mixed in with the blue. As a dancer she spent more time inside than I did, so I was tan while she was paler. Her body was tin, less curvy than mine, the way dancer's bodies usually are. I rode horses, so my legs were more muscular, I was just more curvy over all. As we grew older these little differences became so important to us. We tried to separate from each other, detach, distance ourselves. Never did I imagine the distance would become too great. Big enough to separate us completely. But one little crash did it in the span of a few seconds.

While the differences in our appearance may not have been obvious, our personalities were. Bianca had been born first, fearlessly leading the way just as she would in just about everything else. She had always been the more outgoing one. She was the one who made the first friend in pre-school, a girl names Shelby who was timid and shy like me. But where as Bianca made me shrink back and kind of disappear into the background, she made other people more outgoing like herself. She was always surrounded by large groups of giggling friends, gossiping, getting ready to go places, and then disappearing to parties and dates. I preferred to have less friends. Not because I couldn't make them, but because I couldn't stand the constant chatter, all the drama. Same as with boys. While my experience is only limited to two, Bianca had a steady stream of boyfriends from the day we turned thirteen.

It wasn't just that she was more outgoing or personable. She was more lively, defiant. We contrasted, night and day, a bold slash of red and a docile dot of yellow. She was always in motion, from one thing to the next. Always getting in trouble for sneaking out of breaking curfew. I, on the other hand, was back in the shadows, moving silently through life, doing what I was told. I found it easier to let her be the shining star. It was enough for me to just be near her.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Excuses, excuses.

Hello blog-world! I know it's been a while since I've last been here so this one will be an update of sorts. There really is no excuse but it's been kind of impossible for me to get on as of late. My family went on a little vacation to Tennessee a couple weeks back to stay with some friends. It was a grand ole time, yours truly shot a gun for the first time! Funny that that was the highlight of the trip... You probably won't understand unless you've shot one before, but it really is a rush. You just feel so empowered. It made me want to become a certified bad ass, Lara Croft style. Granted my aim isn't so good... But nevertheless I think the Russian mob has found themselves an excellent hit-man. No? Okay then, back to business.

I fully intended to follow up the last blog with something of substance. But, as you can tell, that didn't happen. Our internet became a little shaky after that before cutting out completely. Comcast (our internet/cable provider) came out and patched it up but that's just a quick fix, they have to replace the line.

A little side note to that. The internet started acted up after a dispute of sorts between my dad and our lovely neighbor Jelly Belly (not a real name obviously but I don't want to embarrass the poor man. Although he did leave me without internet for a week...). See our neighbors are bonefied wack jobs. They're a couple in their fifty's who are living off Jelly Belly's disability checks. Even though he built his house himself just fine. (Strike one: I hate people who take advantage of things meant to help people who are actually hurt.) Jelly Belly is very self-centered and his wife, Loony Tunes, is just that. Loony. Long story short: the cable box is in their backyard. Our neighbors behind us had problems with their cable and called Comcast. The Comcast worker let himself in the yard (perfectly legal by the way, it's called an EASEMENT dumby, you shouldn't have fenced it in). Jelly Belly came out screaming and yelling and someone called the cops. Jelly Belly went to tell (gloat to) my dad about it when he got home from work. But my dad wouldn't have any of it and told him off. And then the internet went out. The Comcast worker says it looks like someone took a knife and nicked our internet wire. Hmmmm....

Now don't go thinking my dad was just starting trouble. Ever since they built their house and moved in they've called the police/park district/city/fire department on all of their neighbors whose land touches theirs. Everyone's just sick of always having to worry about how they're going to react to every little thing we do. My dad lost his temper at last, simple as that. Of course now we're going to have hell to pay... But whatever. If your life is so small that you have to force your opinions onto everyone else, then go on ahead. Because the rest of us have bigger things to worry about. (Sorry if this has bored you, it's been a bigger issue in my life recently and I felt I should let you in on it.)

And that my friends is the reason this blog has not been updated in quite a while. I promise, though, I will keep it up. And next time it will be something more enjoyable.

Monday, June 14, 2010

A Cherry Pickin' Good Time!

Yesterday I had the divine pleasure of spending two full hours picking cherries from a cherry tree. You see, my Grampa Jerry has this cherry tree in his yard that he uses to make his infamous cherry pies, from scratch. They are amazing. Enough said. But since he's not quite the strong, youngster he use to be he's not really up to picking the cherries. So, being the wonderful granddaughter that I am, I volunteered to go over there with my dad and pick them for him.

It wasn't quite so hard in the beginning. We were just getting the bottom ones first. Kind of made my arm a little sore, but no biggie. Then it came time for the top stuff. We went to the garage and managed to find some pretty stable ladders. Which is a good thing, because out of everyone in the family my dad and I are the two most likely to fall off of those ladders. I get up there and realize I'm going to be there a while. There's cherries EVERYWHERE! Branches keep smacking me in the head, threatening to knock me down. Bugs are flying straight into my face. The way I'm situated on my ladder, if I angle my face a certain, I'm looking directly into the sun. After ten minutes I'm drenched in sweat. I don't know how, but we managed to get the job done.

I have to give myself credit, though. The whole time we were picking cherries I never once entertained the notion of just quitting. I know my dad would have let me, but I didn't even think about it. It made me realize that not everything in life is free. We take so much stuff for granted, like being able to buy cherries at the store. I mean, why grow your own cherries when you can just buy them? But it's not quite the same. You get a little more out of life knowing that you worked hard to earn those cherries. They weren't just handed to you. I believe I'd rather earn my things from hard work and determination. Not by cheating my way through.

It also made me really respect laborers. The people who get out there day after day and do the hard, back-breaking work that others can't, and most don't even think about. Jobs like picking cherries, building houses, keeping our sewers nice, etc. We assume that these odd jobs just get done, just happen, no one ever really stops to think about how they get done. Who is making them happen. I really do admire these people for their hard work, because honestly, I don't know if I could do it. Sure I can do work. But work like that?

Well, there's my little rant for the day. Kind of random, but kind of necessary. In a way.

Words of Wisdom: NEVER leave your cell phone behind. You could miss out on an opportunity to meet a guy who stole a car just to meet a girl and her friends at the local zoo. And he doesn't even have his license yet.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hilda Goes to the Dentist's Office

Meet Hilda, my new traveling companion. She goes where I go, always swaying to the motion of my car. Hilda is quite new to this world, having only lived on a shelf at the back of a store up until last week. She aspires to be a world traveler, and that she may be someday.