Monday, April 5, 2010

Elsie and Pell

"Hey Elsie, why don't I ever get to drive places anymore?"
"Are you really asking me that?"
"Did you really just answer my question with a question?"
"Are we really going through this again?"
"Just answer the question."
"You don't know?"
"If you don't answer my question I'm going to--"
"Fine, fine. Well, first off you take every corner going AT LEAST thirty, you try to 'pop wheelies' at the curb when we're in a parking lot, stoplights and traffic signs clearly mean nothing to you, and if that's not good enough, you have a catch phrase you use often: I can make it! Even when you obviously can't."
"Exactly, Pell, exactly."
"No. I thought you enjoyed it."
"Enjoyed what?"
"The Pell Driving Experience. I mean, Elsie, you lead a pretty boring life. I figure--"
"--might as well spice it up, let her experience the rush of a brush with death."
"You are a piece of work."
"You'll thank me later. Just wait for my next adventure for you..."
"What?! No. I refuse to take part. You are crazy if you think I will--hey! Don't walk away, I'm not done here!"
"And there, perched comfortably on my pillow, was Markus."
"Markus as in the spider who taunted you as a child."
"Yes, Elsie, is there any other Markus?"
"Well, there's Mar--"
"Rhetorical: meaning shut the hell up."
"Pell. That is so not what rhetorical means."
"Can I please get back to my story? Thank you. As I was saying, there was Markus. Like I hadn't taken charge so long ago and forced him from my room forever."
"Right, by killing him."
"Elsie! No! I could never--. Well, you know."
"Did I not just watch you knock out Gary Remelman in gym yesterday?"
"Yeah, but i didn't kill him! Sometimes you are so impossible. No. I asked him, kindly, to never show his feet-tickling, web-spinning, head-dangling face again. And he didn't. Until now."
"When I tried to sleep at night he would dangle above my head and taunt me."
"Huh. So what'd you do?"
"Captured him. Snuck him into the caf and released him--"
"How humanitarian of you."
"In Rob's milk."
"Oh shush, it's not like I poisoned him. He almost got a dose of--. Well never mind."

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