I want to feel nothing. I want to lie down on a bed made of air and float. I want to float like a feather. Drifting back and forth in a nonexistent breeze. I don't want to let my feelings take me over. I don't want to feel anything anymore. I want to live, without regrets, without inhibitions. I don't want my conscience and judgment to win over my need for freedom. I don't want to feel anymore. I want, need, my body to grow numb--unaffected by outside influences.
Maybe, if this happens, I can be alone with only myself. Maybe then I can finally allow myself to do what I need to do in order to stay true to who I am. Emotions only get in the way. Maybe, by letting these feelings go, I can do what I need without a twinge in my gut or any other emotion-fueled reaction.
I want to feel nothing, in order to find myself. In order to learn what I need to do to recover the person I once was and become who I want to be.