Is it possible to have multiple dreams? And if so, what happens when it's not really possible to do them all? I've reached a point in my life where I seriously have to ask myself the question: Where do you see yourself in five years? Which seems like a simple enough question. If I asked my classmates that I'd probably get answers like: Graduating college, starting my career, and getting married; or, Going on to medical/pharmacy/law school; or even, Working in a factory/farm/store/etc; or possibly a simple, I have no effing clue, why are you asking me? But I can't seem to find an answer. I feel like there's too many different things I could do and still be happy and successful.
For most of my childhood I aspired to be a veterinarian. I've had sooo many pets over the years: hamsters, dogs, fish, birds, frogs, and hermit crabs. I always loved it when we took my dogs to the veterinarian for a check-up. It seemed like the perfect job, getting to be with animals all day long. Then I started taking horse-back riding lessons, and I fell in love with horses. Then I knew that I wanted to be an equine/bovine veterinarian. I could work with horses (and cows, but mostly because that would make sense seeing how I live in the Midwest) all day and make a heap load of money doing it. And honestly I could still see myself doing this. I know I could do it, sure it's a lot of schooling, but so what? I mean we are talking about the rest of my life.
However, I've also always loved writing. When I was younger people would ask me what are you going to do when you grow up. I'd respond: I'm going to be a best-selling novelist! They'd all laugh and do that "Well isn't she the cutest" face. (This was on the off days when I didn't want to be a veterinarian, of course.) And now as a young adult (teenager, whatever) I could totally see myself living that lifestyle. Getting a job as a journalist for a magazine or newspaper, on the off-hours working on my future best-selling novel. I've also always wanted to live in a big city. Growing up in a small town, going to a school of three-hundred some students, it's been kind of hard to really get an urban experience. And a four-day trip to St. Louis or Chicago does NOT count, Mom.
Then there's the practical career option I've been considering. This one would probably make both my parents very happy. I'm kind of a nerd in the way I'm good at and like math. There's just something so satisfying in solving a problem, getting the right numbers, and getting only one right answer. My parents are both accountants so I got a view of that world pretty early. I know it's a career I'd be good at, and probably like. I could also do international business, I love foreign languages. So that way I could travel like I've always wanted.
Sigh, see the dilemma? There's too many choices. What happened to the days when your parents made them all for you? I know at sixteen, almost seventeen, it's not a terrible MAKE THIS DECISION NOW type of thing. But I'm the type of person who likes to have these things figured out. I turn them all over and over in my mind, trying to picture myself living each of these lives. Trying to figure out which one would be the most fulfilling, the one where I would be happiest. Because in the end isn't that what we're after? A long, happy, fulfilling life?
I just have to keep telling myself that I'm still growing and maturing. I know that if I give it time I'll know what I want to do with my life. It's just not easy for an over-analyzing, perfectionist like myself to keep working towards a future. When I don't even know what future it is I'm working towards. I guess until then I'll just keep taking online personality tests and career quizzes until the answer falls from the sky and hits me on the head.