Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Decisions, decisions. And my descent into insanity.

I've been accepted to Saint Louis University! This is huuuge. This means that I have to make the choice of whether to go to SLU or Millikin. I was kind of hoping they'd make the decision for me. But that's not going to happen. You see, for the past few months I was all about going to SLU next year. I mean, I did apply to Millikin. But mostly because a bunch of my family went/goes there, my mom works there, and it's in my hometown. But then I went on a tour [despite the fact that I've been there too many times to count] and now I'm all confused. WTF.

Anyway, last night I had a dream that I was going to school at Millikin. It really wasn't a weird dream, either. I just went to class, hung out with friends, and did normal college things.[There was this one part, though, that involved a really cute guy. Oh yeah.]

So how am I supposed to know which college is the right one for me? Is this dream trying to tell me that Millikin is the way to go? Some people might take it as a sign, my subconscious telling me that I really do want to go there. And I probably would have taken it that way in the past. But this is such a huge decision, I can't let one measly little dream do it for me. I keep telling people that I'll definitely know by March. "I don't know how I'll know, but I'll know," I always say. But as March keeps getting closer [this year is going fast, people] I'm still stuck at the same place I've been since the beginning of the school year. I have absolutely no clue. I don't know how I'm going to decide or where I'll be next year. It's both scary and exciting. But mostly scary.

I don't know what I'm doing any more. But I'll probably die from an anxiety induced heart attack before next year even comes. Between English 101, calculus, and trying to choose which college to go to, my future is not looking too good right now.

In other, happier news, my scholastic bowl team [of which I'm the captain, go nerds!] is undefeated! We've only had two matches.... but still. Undefeated is undefeated.

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