Home Sweet Wal-Mart

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in Wal-Mart? I mean, its got everything you could ever want. [For the most part.] Some of their clothing is actually pretty nice. You could camp out in the camping section at night with a sleeping bag and tent. They've got a plethora of food. All the entertainment you could ever want. All the personal hygiene stuff. It'd be perfect! I think I might substitute Wal-Mart with Target, though. When my town finally got one I thought it was just the best thing ever. 

If you've ever seen the movie Where the Heart Is starring Natalie Portman, then you can probably see where I got my inspiration from. I saw that movie once and for some reason it made me really want to try to live in Wal-Mart. Never mind all the uncleanliness of it all. What I can't imagine, though, is having no place to live. No place to call home. I was pretty young when I first saw the movie and it devastated me that she had nowhere to live. It just blows my mind that some people don't have a place to call home. No place where they can just curl up and hide from the world on a bad day. Whenever I see people living on the streets I'm always reminded of how thankful I should feel to be blessed with a home.

Another thing I'm thankful for is contacts. I really cannot stand to wear my glasses. Which I had to do today. I use to never have allergies, at all. I considered myself pretty lucky since both my mom and brother have terrible allergies. I thought that I was going to be like my dad and have none at all. But I've noticed that around this time of year my left eye gets bloodshot and starts to burn. I can barely keep my eyes open. So I was forced to take them out and wear my glasses. Of course, I could be completely wrong. I never do take out my contacts, ever, even when I sleep. Maybe it's both.

And as for a third random topic, I'm going to speak briefly about boy troubles. [Why do I suddenly have so many?] Well, you see. There's this freshmen boy, we'll say Dawson, who I became pretty good friends with, mostly because of band. Don't think I go around making friends with freshmen boys. But next thing I know he's got one of our mutual friends asking if I like him. As in like like. Sigh. Why can't I ever just have a guy friend who's not interested in dating?! I was trying not to be mean about the whole thing, because I still wanted to be his friend. But I think I made matters worse.

I told her I didn't like him like that, but she's a little scatterbrained and never told him that. So I'm thinking that he knows I don't like him, and we can still be friends. But then last week I find she never told him and he texts me saying, "Do you see this becoming more than a friendship?" !##%^#% I knew it was too good to be true. So I said I didn't think so. And now things have gotten awkward. My life, I swear to God. Why do the ones I want to just be friends with want to date me?! And why do the ones I actually want to date act like they have no clue?! The bright side: I've gotten good at letting guys down easy. As easy as it can be when you're telling them you don't want to date.

May the force be with you! [God bless Star Wars marathons.]

Just know that this could only be for you.

Every time I see you, my heart catches and begins to ache.

Every time I hear your voice, my heart aches just a little bit more.

And every time you look at me, it's more than my heart can bare.

She was a queer little thing.

Yummmm.

My house smells like a Mexican restaurant, and I don't image the smell will go away for a long time. This would be because I just got done cooking 6 pounds of taco meat. Yes, 6 pounds. My Spanish 3/4 class is having a fiesta tomorrow during 2nd and 3rd hour. And yours truly was put in charge of the taco meat. So now I have to successfully transfer said taco meat from my house to my car, the 10 minutes it takes to get to school, and from my car to the classroom. I pray to God that the meat doesn't find it's way out of the Crock Pot and into my car. As much as I like tacos I don't want my car to forever smell like them. [Jeannine had the audacity to complain about having to buy shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, and sour cream. What?! Can you seay SIX POUNDS OF TACO MEAT?! I came this close to snapping. For realz.]

I'm reading The Secret Garden right now, and I am beginning to crave childhood again. Yes, I know I was just saying how I wanted to grow up. But have you ever read The Secret Garden? It's a wonderfully simple book about a young girl who discovers a, well, secret garden. Actually let me add to that. I want to be a young girl living in England in the early 1900s. [Have you seen pictures of those houses? They're massive! And they usually have huge, sprawling lawns and gardens.] I guess the thing I miss the most about childhood is the simplicity of everything. If one little thing happened the world was over, but then your parents just swoop in and make everything all better again.

I was a rather odd child, I have to say. To say I had an over active imagination is an understatement. I mostly played by myself and made up these whole imaginary worlds. Except the thing was that I wouldn't let anyone join me. So I was often seen wandering around talking to no one really and playing by myself. I wasn't unhappy. In fact, I think I was often happier by myself. I guess even back then I avoided drama. I'm beginning to think that maybe that's why I'm so comfortable being independent and on my own. I don't need others to be entertained, being alone isn't really lonely to me. I know some people who just can't stand being by themselves. Which I think is sad, really. I think you have to be comfortable with yourself first of all. I guess I'll always be that weird little girl wandering around talking to herself. And, strangely, I'm okay with that.

Antsy. Unsettled. Restless.

Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. It just feels like spring. Spring is my favorite time of the year, I don't know there's just something about it. I think the temperature is the main reason. In central Illinois during the winter it gets freeeezing cold and in the summer it gets extremely hot. Spring is perfectly in between. It could stay in the 70s forever and I would be totally okay with that. Maybe tomorrow I'll wear my new floral shorts from Forever 21...

Despite the beautiful weather I've been feeling sort of... antsy lately. Unsettled. I'm really not even sure why. I'll go to do something and completely forget what I was going to do or why. Or when I'm actually in the middle of doing homework, reading, messing around on the internet suddenly I can't stand it. All I want to do is stand up, scream, and just go. I don't even know where. At other times I have this insane amount of frustration built up in me. I try not to, but if someone comes up to me at the wrong time I just sort of snap. It's not like I'm unhappy and just want to get away. I'm finally in a really good place after several months of depression and hermitism. I'm just restless. I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling. Not even really thinking. I just have this urge to leave.

I'm aware of how nuts I sound right now. Maybe it's spring fever? Which I just Wikipedia-ed (try saying that out loud) and that doesn't sound right at all. "Spring Fever is the name for a temporary mood typically characterized by a state of low energy and weariness experienced by many people in springtime." I'm the opposite. I have too much energy but no where to put it. I want to explore and go on an adventure. Experience things I've never done before. Maybe it's because I'm so close to being done with high school I feel like I should get a move on with my life. I feel like maybe I've outgrown where I am. I want to separate from all that I know and just start new. I'm tired of the same people, same places.

Sigh, I've got Graduation Fever and I still have another year to go. Please, dear Lord, help me.

And now after my crazy little rant, check out this video. It's pretty cool, I must say.

(Has anyone noticed how short my posts have become? That probably means there's a really long one headed this way soon. Just wait.)

"She's the saint of all the sinners."

It's 11:00 p.m. right now and there is nothing in the world I want more than to go to bed. But I know that I would be extremely angry at myself if I messed up BEDA. So, here it is. Today's just been one of those days. Nothing really in particular, I think I just need to have a moment of relaxation. But there's no time.

As a member of the NHS I have to put up and take down the flag at school with my partner Emily. I put it up by myself today because Emily wasn't there in the morning. But I remembered a few hours after I got home that I didn't take it down after school. And I don't know if Emily did or not. So I might possibly be in some trouble tomorrow. Yay. On top of that I had a piano recital today and I didn't play so well. I mean, I still did good, but I could have done better. I hate when I let myself down like that. I'm not going to dwell on it, though, it was just one recital compared to all the others I've done.

This week's Top 2 Tuesday is the Top 2 Songs on Your iPod. I'm going to cheat a little because it's been a while since I updated my iPod. I don't really use my iPod anymore because I only have a CD player in my car so I get lazy and don't upload my new CDs on my iPod.

1. Katy Perry - Teenage Dream

I love Katy Perry, so this was hard for me. But my favorite song of hers is definitely Teenage Dream. I think that's the type of feeling everyone wants to feel when they're in a relationship, or whatever, with someone. I know I do.[I hadn't seen the music video until now. Not really a big fan of it, but it's still a good song.]

2. Green Day - Viva La Gloria!

I have been a huge Green Day ever since I was 10. I think the first time I listened to them was with my brother. Their newest album, 21st Century Breakdown, is definitely my favorite. I got lucky the summer before sophomore year. My friend's parents were taking her, her brother, and a friend of each of theirs to a Green Day concert. So I got to go. It was totally amazing. Viva La Gloria such a good song. It's all rebel-y (like most Green Day songs) and it has piano. What more could you ask for?

Whew! Made it with 25 minutes to spare.

Day 08

A picture that makes you laugh.

Without fail, this picture always manages to make me laugh. Please tell me that you didn't laugh even a little. Blake's face is absolutely ridiculous. My friend Jordin's the one on the left and Blake's the one in the middle. Blake. She is the one friend who I both hate and love at the same time. I think we have that effect on each other, though. She's completely random and says the most absurd things.She also has extreme ADHD, so that probably explains it all. We're total opposites, but we've been friends for so long we can't help it. Sure we've gotten into fights, little and huge, but we've always somehow made it through. We'll probably always be friends.

Don't we all have that one friend who we hate and love simultaneously (thank God for spell check, I butchered that word)? Everything they do just rubs you the wrong way. You walk away from them grinding your teeth. But that person is almost always the same person you can't imagine living without. Maybe it's the whole opposite attract thing. It's a relief to be around someone who isn't like you. You live with yourself 24/7 (duh!) and it's like a breath of fresh air to be with someone who isn't like you. I think we all need someone in our lives like that..