For the love of God, take me back! Please?!

It was been SOFREAKINGLONG since I last blogged. I meant to take a month-long break and then do BEDA. But obviously that didn't work out... I just constantly make myself seem inconsistent and non-trustworthy. In my defense 4th-quarter calculus is an ugly beast that no senior with a serious case of senioritis should ever have to battle. But I battle I did and victorious I emerged (sort of).

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this blog. I never actually had a plan or strategy so I guess that means don't expect one? Who knows. I cannot promise to remain consistent because I don't want to inadvertently lie to you all. But I will try my best to continue blogging. That may be difficult come fall because I'M STARTING COLLEGE (WOOOOOO! YEAAAAAAH BUDDY!), but I will try.

Too much has happened these past few months to try to catch you all up in one post. I'll hit the highlight quickly: I had various breakdowns involving calculus and an eleven-page research paper. I hibernated from Blogger (obv.) and wasted entirely too much time on Tumblr (link to the right). I grew closer to some friends and distanced myself from others (whine whine cry cry). I went to prom with a big group of friends and a boy who I never really talked to before and still haven't since. I discovered that grinding at school dances is uncomfortable and awkward, and invariably learned how to avoid this dance move (somewhat gracefully). I learned that as I grow older I become slightly more bitter and that time moves way too quickly. I had my last day of high school (EVER) yesterday. I will graduate on Sunday as valedictorian (LOOK AT ME NOW) with four other friends (no we did not cheat, and no our classes are not easy). I realized that what my life lacked was a place to vent, talk about whatever the hell I want without risking friendships, and just be crazy and stupid in general.

To those whose blogs I follow: I will definitely not be catching up on all the posts that I've missed. I'll most likely start reading your posts beginning sometime in April. And to everyone who cares enough to still be reading this: what's hap-hap-happenin'? Remember that this is a place for loving and venting so please do not hold back.

xoKate

Where's the laugh track?

Friday night I attended an overnight thingy at the college I'll be attending next fall. Well, it was actually an overnight for next semester's freshmen who are applying for the honors program. The person I was *supposed* to be staying with was rushing a sorority that night and never showed up. I would have been panicked, but I got to hang out with a couple of my brother's friends. When it was time to go back to the dorms for the night the RA found me a room to stay in.

I go in there, meet one of the roommates and another girl staying there, and everything seems good. They're both nice. We're about to watch The Hangover. The roommate mentions that her roommate is a bit crazy and tells how she fell off the top bunk last night. The girl walks in with one of her friends and I know her. I know her. Great. Because I know her and know what she's like. And I don't like her. She chats for a couple minutes, leaves, and comes back with a group of guys who are also there for the overnight.

The start talking about how they skipped one of the "lame" presentations [how could they know if it's lame if they didn't go to it, stupid] to watch the TKEs get initiated. Now, I have nothing against fraternities or sororities. I have friends and family members who I adore greatly that are/have been in one.In fact, I might join one when I go to college. Who knows. But there's always that fraternity and that sorority which is like how they are portrayed in the movies. So they start talking about how "effing awesome" it was. And every time one of them says TKE [pronounced teek] they start chanting, "TEEK TEEK TEEK TEEK TEEK" over and over and over again. At this point I'm thinking, "Is this really my life? Am I in a sit com?" And complain how they can't go to the party.

This whole time the girl that I don't like is flirting with them, tossing her hair around, standing with her butt sticking out -- the usual.One of the boys mentions that they want to be on the football team. She says, "Well I'm on the dance squad so I'll be sitting right behind you, cheering!" *cue hair tossing and waving of the pom poms conveniently placed on the window sill*

This went on for about ten minutes before the RA, who happens to be one of my friends, saved me. In the end, I stayed in a room with two different girls. I felt bad for the other girl, she seemed really nice, but damn. Her roommate is something else. I mean, I felt like I was in Sydney White or something. I didn't want to be a prude or anything, I have been to parties and been around people like that. But I was not going to be subjected to the ridiculousness of the whole situation for the next nine hours.

January Favorites

BAND/ARTIST: Frank Sinatra I've always been a huge Frank Sinatra fan. My dad listens to a lot of "old-timey" singers like Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Jim Croce [Jim Croce has nothing to do with Frank and Bing. Oh well]. So I guess you could say I grew up listening to them and learning to appreciate them. I stole a greatest hits CD from my brother. I've tried to listen to all the songs fairly, but I have to admit that "Fly Me to the Moon" and "The Way You Look Tonight" are definitely my favorites. I am absolutely in love with Frank Sinatra's voice. I could go on and on about it, but I feel like I wouldn't do his voice any justice. If you haven't already, you NEED to listen to him sing. He has the voice of angel.

SONG: "We Found Love" by Rihanna I freaking love this song. I know it's repetitive and mostly just a dance mix. But I think that's the reason why I love it so much. It's just so catchy! Anytime I hear I immediately start dancing. Even when I'm driving. Don't worry, I'm off driving court supervision and my ticket's gone. And I also really like the lyrics. And just watched the music video for the first time. It's pretty... whack. I mean, that's the only word I have for it. She's half naked for the whole thing! You know what, I think that makes me like it even more. Whatever. Go Rihanna.

BOOK: The Once and Future King by T.H. White This book is taking me FOREVER to read. That's the reason it's my favorite this month, it's literally the only book I've read in the past month and a half. In fact, I'm still reading it. But it would probably be my favorite of the month, anyway. It's really intellectual. I don't know if any of you have read this, or even heard of it. It's my dad's all-time favorite book, and he really wanted me to read it. I wouldn't have heard of it if it weren't for him. The Once and Future King is about King Arthur, Guenever, Lancelot, and the Knights of the Round Table. It begins with King Arthur's childhood and just goes on from there. Like I said before, it is not a fast read by any means. But if Camelot or King Arthur or Lancelot interests you in any way, I highly suggest this book. T.H. White writes in a very intellectual, yet creative way; it'll definitely make you think.

BLOGGER: Ferweh Fernweh is an collaborated, online magazine managed by six girls, who all have their own separate blogs I believe. Actually, Carlotta who I featured in my November Favorites post is one of the writers. It covers a lot of different creative areas. There's cooking, photography, stories, DIYs, poetry, and a lot more that I'm probably leaving out. I actually made some chocolate pumpkin bars from a recipe I found on their blog, and the bars were delicious. "Blending the past with the present, Fernweh is a collective guide to life made lovely." [from Ferweh]

TV SHOW: The Big Bang Theory I know I'm super late to the party, but The Big Bang Theory is a hilariously, genius TV show. I just want to cuddle all of them. Especially Sheldon. If you haven't already seen it, it's about two roommates/friends that live together, Leonard and Sheldon. They're really smart [especially Sheldon] researchers at a university in California. They have two other friends, Howard and Raj, who also work at the university. Leonard and Sheldon live in an apartment across the hall from Penny, an aspiring actress working at the Cheesecake Factory. Please watch it. It's smart funny, not stupid funny [not that stupid funny is always bad..].

VIDEO GAME: L.A. Noire L.A. Noire is set in approximately 1920's Los Angeles. You play as a detective working different types of cases. You start out as a beat cop and work your way up the law enforcement ladder. You have to search crime scenes, examine evidence, question suspects, follow leads, and investigate lots of different apartments. And the medical examiner always wants to search the body for semen. The is rated R. Just a warning. It's also really long. Literally. There's three different discs for it. I'm currently on the second disc. If you really like murder mysteries and the 1920's this game is for you. It's also not a first-person game, which is always a plus in my book. No matter how many times I play Portal I always get vertigo.

THING: Slippers Yes, more footwear! I bought a pair of $10, ugly slippers at the grocery store three weeks ago. They're not really cute at all, but they're warm. And to me, that's all that's important. I mean, it's not like I'm wearing them out in public.

And guess what! I'll be eighteen in three days, on February 7. That's so weird. I'll be an adult. I've also got a new feature to introduce that will hopefully force me to blog more regularly. In case you haven't noticed, I'm exactly on any sort of schedule or deadline system.

Quiero bailar contigo.

All I really want is someone who will laugh with me. Just sit up until the buttcrack of dawn and just talk and laugh and be ridiculous. I want to drive around all day doing absolutely nothing. I want to plant my butt in front of a TV with someone and have Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings marathons. Or maybe play Xbox so long that our eyes get blurry and we can't think straight. I want to love someone like I never have before. Be loved by someone like I can't even imagine. I want someone who will salsa dance with me even though I have no clue. I just want to have that person who knows me like no other and will always be there when the world gets cold.

Decisions, decisions. And my descent into insanity.

I've been accepted to Saint Louis University! This is huuuge. This means that I have to make the choice of whether to go to SLU or Millikin. I was kind of hoping they'd make the decision for me. But that's not going to happen. You see, for the past few months I was all about going to SLU next year. I mean, I did apply to Millikin. But mostly because a bunch of my family went/goes there, my mom works there, and it's in my hometown. But then I went on a tour [despite the fact that I've been there too many times to count] and now I'm all confused. WTF.

Anyway, last night I had a dream that I was going to school at Millikin. It really wasn't a weird dream, either. I just went to class, hung out with friends, and did normal college things.[There was this one part, though, that involved a really cute guy. Oh yeah.]

So how am I supposed to know which college is the right one for me? Is this dream trying to tell me that Millikin is the way to go? Some people might take it as a sign, my subconscious telling me that I really do want to go there. And I probably would have taken it that way in the past. But this is such a huge decision, I can't let one measly little dream do it for me. I keep telling people that I'll definitely know by March. "I don't know how I'll know, but I'll know," I always say. But as March keeps getting closer [this year is going fast, people] I'm still stuck at the same place I've been since the beginning of the school year. I have absolutely no clue. I don't know how I'm going to decide or where I'll be next year. It's both scary and exciting. But mostly scary.

I don't know what I'm doing any more. But I'll probably die from an anxiety induced heart attack before next year even comes. Between English 101, calculus, and trying to choose which college to go to, my future is not looking too good right now.

In other, happier news, my scholastic bowl team [of which I'm the captain, go nerds!] is undefeated! We've only had two matches.... but still. Undefeated is undefeated.

Day 20

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

There are numerous places I'd love to travel: Spain, France, Germany. The list goes on. But the one place I can remember wanting to travel to the longest is definitely Ireland. My dad's family is from Ireland and really into the whole Irish heritage thing. I mean, my dad organizes the annual St. Patrick's Day Parade in my hometown for crying out loud. [He didn't get this job for being Irish, though. Mainly because he's a member of the Knights of Columbus and willing to do the job.] Anywho, I remember when I was younger wanting to go to Ireland. I want to kiss the Blarney stone, go drinking in pubs in Dublin, go to Galway Bay [that song was my favorite when I was little], and go to Roscommon and Cork counties [that's where my family's from]. I mainly just think it'd be neat to see the place where the majority of my lineage is from [my mom's family is Scottish so Scotland is a close second]. I think it'd also be really cool to do all this with my dad. He's been there before when he was a bachelor and living in Holland. But I know he'd love to go back and see it all again with his family.

Are there any places you're just dieing to travel?

Scratch Off Challenge

Lazy blog is lazy. I saw this on Kathy's blog and I just had to steal it. It brought me back to the good ole days of middle school sitting on MySpace filling out bulletin post survey after bulletin post survey. Those were the days. Basically all you do is cross off the lines that apply to yourself. Simple, right?

Appearance
I have/had piercings besides the ears.
I want piercings besides the ears.
I have many scars.  I've had a couple stitches and once ran into a brick wall. But I also have some scars on my feet from mosquito bites.
I tan easily. I wish.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have never dyed my hair. Ever.
I have a tattoo.
I want a tattoo. I really do want one, but I want it to be something meaningful.
I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/had braces.
I have more than two piercings.

Embarrassment
Disney movies still make me cry. I'm a sucker. What can I say.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt. I'm also sometimes an idiot.

Health
I’ve gotten stitches. On my forehead from running into a door jamb when I was 3 and on my knee from this incident a couple summers ago involving a table.
I’ve broken or dislocated a bone. I broke my right ankle playing summer basketball when I was 10.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had chicken pox. But I have had the vaccine.
I've had malaria.
I've had typhoid.
I've had jaundice.

Travel
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to the US.
I’ve been to Europe.
I've been to at least one other country.
I've never been out of my country.
I’ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometers in one day.

Experiences
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star. I'm not quite sure why I didn't wish on it... like I said, sometimes I'm an idiot.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve slapped someone. I acted like I was kidding, but I was serious.
I’ve kissed someone underwater.
I’ve chugged something.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a musical.
I’ve auditioned for something.
I’ve been on stage.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
I’ve pranked someone. 
I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime
I’ve been threatened to be arrested.
I’ve broken a law.  Ahem.
I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out.
I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve been in a fist fight.

Death
I’m afraid of dying. 
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone/something die. Do bugs count?
Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
I have attempted suicide.
I’ve thought about suicide before.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
I own over 10 music CDs.
I own over 10 novels.
I own over 5 electronic gadgets.
I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
I collected comic books. Archie comics anyone?
I own a lot of makeup.
I own gaming console(s).
I own a car.
I own a bike.
I thrive on compliments.
I thrive on hate.

Random
I can sing low key.
I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news occasionally or always.
I like to kill bugs.
I sing in the shower.
I’m a morning person.
I’m a sports cricket fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I care about grammar.
I love spam.
I’ve copied more than 30 CDs in a day.
I bake reasonably well. I like to think I'm a master pastry chef.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
I would wear pajamas to school. I just can't do it. I have this theory that if I dress nice my day will be a good one.
I like Martha Stewart.
I laugh at my own jokes. 
I eat fast food weekly.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can’t sleep if there’s a bug/insect in the room.
I’m really ticklish.
I like  chocolate. But only if it's white chocolate or somehow involved with caramel.
I bite my nails. I pick at my nails.
I’m good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
My memory sucks.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

People
...used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
...called me fat.
...say I’m skinny.
...have said I’m ugly.
...have said I’m pretty.
...have spread rumors about me.
...force me to eat.
...say I eat too much.
...say I eat too little.
...say I eat too fast.
...say I eat too slow.
...have called me a genius.
...have given me gifts.

Eating
I’ve lost weight.
I’ve gained weight.
I’m at my thinnest.
I’m at my biggest.
I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.
My weight affects my mood. 
I diet. 
I’m vegan/vegetarian. I tried it once after watching a Tyra Show special on tape worms. Lasted about a month.
I exercise.
I’ve fainted from exhaustion. 
 
Family
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve planned to run away from home before.
I’ve run away from home.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want kids.
I’ve had kids.
I’ve lost a child.

Relationships
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I'm in a relationship.
I’ve gone on a blind date. Never again.
I have/had a friend with benefits.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I don't like to depend on others. 
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
I’m a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger. Why does this have to be sexual?
I’ve kissed a stranger.

Bad times
I regularly drink.
I can’t swallow pills.
I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
I have anxiety problems.
I shut others out when I’m upset.
I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset.
I have taken/take anti-depressants.
I’ve slept an entire day before. When I'm sick all I want to do is sleep.
I’ve plotted revenge.  I plot revenge all the time, although I've never actually acted on it. Someday.... someday.

IMPORTANT

This blog, formerly known as Just Give It a Few, has been officially been renamed as Kick Mii Kate. The Tumblr and Youtube accounts listed to the right have been renamed accordingly. There need be no worries, the blogger is still the same person, the posts will be of the same nature and regularity, and there will be absolutely no more name changes. Ever.

Thank you for your time and cooperation!

Moments

 

I could tell you how much this affected me. I could also tell you how many times I read this and longed to make a change, any change, big or small. But I'm not because I want you to experience this for yourself and not through mine. Or maybe it won't affect you. I can't be the one to decide that.

I stole this from Meg. And I can say this many times over, but I you really should czech out her blog.

Done, done, and almost done!

I did it! As of yesterday I am done with my college applications. Well, not entirely. I still need to get my teacher recommendation, but that's the easy part considering all I have to do is ask a teacher to do it for me. Really the only part I was dreading about the whole thing was the personal essay. I don't really know why since I'm a decent writer... I guess just because the whole applying to colleges thing seemed overwhelming scary. It's something I've thought about ever since I was old enough to know about college. But the hard part's already been done. I've put in the strenuous amount of work my whole life. Getting good grades, doing the extra curricular activities, getting good test scores on the standardized tests. But it feels so extremely good to have this all done. Now I just have to complete my senior year and wait. This is the easy part. [Not really, I mean calculus is definitely not easy. But let me just kid myself for the next two days before school starts.]

Three out of four of the college I'm applying to are on this thing called the Common App. This thing really saved my life. You only have to fill out one application for all the colleges. Some of the colleges have supplements where you might have a to do something extra. But still. I only have to fill out two applications in order to apply to four different colleges? Hell yes. On the Common App there's a writing section where you have to write a personal essay from one of the six prompts. This is the one I chose: Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.I seriously considered writing about a character from the Harry Potter series. No doubt, they definitely had a huge influence on my life. But then I thought that there were probably going to be a lot of those this year. Instead, I chose Carmen Lowell from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. I'm ridiculously proud of my essay. It turned out better than I could have imagined. I might share it later on, but we'll see.

So tomorrow I am going to reward myself with a huge shopping spree at Forever 21! My wardrobe is in much need. I've literally been living in cut-offs and t-shirts all summer. I'm a mess. I don't feel too bad about it, though. I mean, why would I need to get all dressed up to hang out with a 9 year old?

Day 17

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

This would be a picture of a Billiken. For those who don't know, which is probably most you, the Billiken is Saint Louis University's mascot. You may be thinking to yourself, what the hell is a Billiken? Don't worry, I thought the same exact thing. He started out as a kind of good luck charm in the early 1900s. If you bought one it would bring you luck, but if someone gave one to you, you had better luck. I think it was more of a Japanese thing, than American. But SLU supposedly chose him as the mascot because it's said he resembles coach John R. Bender [I would be slightly insulted if I were him].

I recently went down to St. Louis with my parents for a campus tour of SLU. And I have to say, as of right now, SLU is probably my top choice for college. It's completely different from all the other colleges I've looked at. Most of them are in towns similar to the one I live in, which isn't that big. Originally, that's what I wanted, to go to a small college in a town like my own. But now I'm not so sure. It would be totally different from what I'm used to if I went to college in St. Louis or Indianapolis. SLU is definitely the biggest, it has 8,000 undergraduates and 5,000 graduates. This seems kind of intimidating to me, but I think I could handle it. While it is a 2 hour drive from my hometown, I do have family that I'm close to living in St. Louis. The campus was big, to be expected, but it was gorgeous and didn't seem as overwhelming as I thought it would be. Most importantly, is the accounting program, I could get my masters in 5 years! The shorter I have to be in college, the better. But we'll see how it all works out. I've still got to get through applying and my senior year.

Day 15

A picture of something you want to do before you die.

I want to zoom around Europe on a crotch rocket. This would technically cover several things I want to do before I die all at once. One: ride a crotch rocket. Two: go to Europe. Three: be a bad ass. [I understand my definition of a bad ass isn't the same as everyone else's.] There's just something I love about driving fast. I guess it's the adrenalin rush, the danger of it, or simply just the breeze ruffling [or massacring] your hair. It's so liberating. Now take all that and put it on a cherry red crotch rocket. Hellllll yeah! And then take all that and plop it done in Europe. Did I just blow your mind? If not, that's okay, because I just blew my own mind. I just really wanna be a bad ass on a crotch rocket wearing leather. And why Europe? Why not! We only live once people. Sometimes you just have to do things just to say you did it.

Toot toot!

Jeanine, this one goes out to you. [And another certain someone who I extremely dislike. Partly for the annoyingness and partly for the smelliness.]

ACTACTACT! [This is how I woke up my friend Kayla today, she wasn't too happy with me.] Yep, I took the ACTs today. They actually weren't that bad, more or less just the same as everything other standardized test I've taken over the years. The science bit is probably what's going to bring me down. But, eh, not really stressing over it. Tomorrow we take some other test, the PSAEs. But they don't really count for anything and everyone says they're really easy.

The good thing about all this testing is that I only had to go to school once this week. Score! On Friday my physics class is going to Six Flags [the only good thing about that damn class]. And of course prom is on Saturday. I tried everything on today and I look gooood. Not that I'm trying to toot my own horn or anything. [Refer to post title.]

Bad news? My friend Kayla got in a fight with her date and [at least for right now] they aren't going together. So she has no date. Sigh. I don't want any of you to think I'm a bad friend, but if they for real aren't going together -- why couldn't this have happened last week?! Because then I wouldn't be going with him! This is forever the story of my life. I've come to accept that any possible embarrassing/awkward/painful thing that could possibly happen can and will happen to me. Therefore, I'm good at coping and this has also made me very laid back and chill. Like a hippie [I hear this all the time].

She's so stylish! [And she has a ballin' name.]

To not let this end on a bad note... Who's going to watch the royal wedding?! I'm not sure how any of you feel about this. Typically you feel one way or the other, no in between. Some think it's dumb some think it's awesome. Tomorrow night my friends Kayla and Morgan are going to spend the night at mi casa so we can get up at 4am and pregame it before going to school at 6:30am to catch the Six Flags bus. Woo! And to be extremely legit we're going to have tea and crumpets and talk in British accents/slang. I am so going to be dead by Sunday.

Antsy. Unsettled. Restless.

Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. It just feels like spring. Spring is my favorite time of the year, I don't know there's just something about it. I think the temperature is the main reason. In central Illinois during the winter it gets freeeezing cold and in the summer it gets extremely hot. Spring is perfectly in between. It could stay in the 70s forever and I would be totally okay with that. Maybe tomorrow I'll wear my new floral shorts from Forever 21...

Despite the beautiful weather I've been feeling sort of... antsy lately. Unsettled. I'm really not even sure why. I'll go to do something and completely forget what I was going to do or why. Or when I'm actually in the middle of doing homework, reading, messing around on the internet suddenly I can't stand it. All I want to do is stand up, scream, and just go. I don't even know where. At other times I have this insane amount of frustration built up in me. I try not to, but if someone comes up to me at the wrong time I just sort of snap. It's not like I'm unhappy and just want to get away. I'm finally in a really good place after several months of depression and hermitism. I'm just restless. I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling. Not even really thinking. I just have this urge to leave.

I'm aware of how nuts I sound right now. Maybe it's spring fever? Which I just Wikipedia-ed (try saying that out loud) and that doesn't sound right at all. "Spring Fever is the name for a temporary mood typically characterized by a state of low energy and weariness experienced by many people in springtime." I'm the opposite. I have too much energy but no where to put it. I want to explore and go on an adventure. Experience things I've never done before. Maybe it's because I'm so close to being done with high school I feel like I should get a move on with my life. I feel like maybe I've outgrown where I am. I want to separate from all that I know and just start new. I'm tired of the same people, same places.

Sigh, I've got Graduation Fever and I still have another year to go. Please, dear Lord, help me.

And now after my crazy little rant, check out this video. It's pretty cool, I must say.

(Has anyone noticed how short my posts have become? That probably means there's a really long one headed this way soon. Just wait.)

Where do I go from here?

Is it possible to have multiple dreams? And if so, what happens when it's not really possible to do them all? I've reached a point in my life where I seriously have to ask myself the question: Where do you see yourself in five years? Which seems like a simple enough question. If I asked my classmates that I'd probably get answers like: Graduating college, starting my career, and getting married; or, Going on to medical/pharmacy/law school; or even, Working in a factory/farm/store/etc; or possibly a simple, I have no effing clue, why are you asking me? But I can't seem to find an answer. I feel like there's too many different things I could do and still be happy and successful.

For most of my childhood I aspired to be a veterinarian. I've had sooo many pets over the years: hamsters, dogs, fish, birds, frogs, and hermit crabs. I always loved it when we took my dogs to the veterinarian for a check-up. It seemed like the perfect job, getting to be with animals all day long. Then I started taking horse-back riding lessons, and I fell in love with horses. Then I knew that I wanted to be an equine/bovine veterinarian. I could work with horses (and cows, but mostly because that would make sense seeing how I live in the Midwest) all day and make a heap load of money doing it. And honestly I could still see myself doing this. I know I could do it, sure it's a lot of schooling, but so what? I mean we are talking about the rest of my life.

However, I've also always loved writing. When I was younger people would ask me what are you going to do when you grow up. I'd respond: I'm going to be a best-selling novelist! They'd all laugh and do that "Well isn't she the cutest" face. (This was on the off days when I didn't want to be a veterinarian, of course.) And now as a young adult (teenager, whatever) I could totally see myself living that lifestyle. Getting a job as a journalist for a magazine or newspaper, on the off-hours working on my future best-selling novel. I've also always wanted to live in a big city. Growing up in a small town, going to a school of three-hundred some students, it's been kind of hard to really get an urban experience. And a four-day trip to St. Louis or Chicago does NOT count, Mom.

Then there's the practical career option I've been considering. This one would probably make both my parents very happy. I'm kind of a nerd in the way I'm good at and like math. There's just something so satisfying in solving a problem, getting the right numbers, and getting only one right answer. My parents are both accountants so I got a view of that world pretty early. I know it's a career I'd be good at, and probably like. I could also do international business, I love foreign languages. So that way I could travel like I've always wanted.

Sigh, see the dilemma? There's too many choices. What happened to the days when your parents made them all for you? I know at sixteen, almost seventeen, it's not a terrible MAKE THIS DECISION NOW type of thing. But I'm the type of person who likes to have these things figured out. I turn them all over and over in my mind, trying to picture myself living each of these lives. Trying to figure out which one would be the most fulfilling, the one where I would be happiest. Because in the end isn't that what we're after? A long, happy, fulfilling life?

I just have to keep telling myself that I'm still growing and maturing. I know that if I give it time I'll know what I want to do with my life. It's just not easy for an over-analyzing, perfectionist like myself to keep working towards a future. When I don't even know what future it is I'm working towards. I guess until then I'll just keep taking online personality tests and career quizzes until the answer falls from the sky and hits me on the head.

Every twist and turn will lead to you.

 This course that I've chosen is the hardest one. Full of obstacles meant to discourage the lion-hearted. A dragon to breathe fire and lies, an army of gnomes to block the path and protect the keeper. The wide mouth of the clown is only a distraction, a hidden tunnel will help to avoid this irrelevant character. But I know what lies at the end of the course, into the windmill and up the tower. I will battle my way through, just to get to you.