What's in a name? That which we call a rose.

I was on my way to lunch with my parents today when I started to think about my friends. I thought about how my friend Jordin started spelling her name like JordIn instead of JordAn. And then I thought about how I have a friend named Jordin. And then I started think about the name and saying it over again and again in my head. Jordin. JOrdin. JorDin. JordIn. And then I started freaking out. Oh my God. I have a friend named Jordin. What the hell.

I think it was just one of those things where you say a word over and over again until the word sounds completely foreign. But for like a split second I wasn't entirely sure that my friend's name was Jordin. Because then I started thinking about all my other friends' names. They all seemed normal. Like, oh yeah, her name's definitely Morgan. Am I crazy? Is there something totally wrong with me?

I like to think I'm not a freak or weird. But, I mean, I doubted the name of a friend/second cousin that I've known for my whole life. Maybe the change in spelling is what freaked me out? However, she's been spelling it like that for four or five years now. It's really not surprising anymore.

Does this ever happen to any of you? I don't mean just when  a word starts to sound not like a word. I genuinely panicked about whether that was her name or not. If not, please say yes. I don't want to be crazy.

*title from Romeo and Juliet

Decisions, decisions. And my descent into insanity.

I've been accepted to Saint Louis University! This is huuuge. This means that I have to make the choice of whether to go to SLU or Millikin. I was kind of hoping they'd make the decision for me. But that's not going to happen. You see, for the past few months I was all about going to SLU next year. I mean, I did apply to Millikin. But mostly because a bunch of my family went/goes there, my mom works there, and it's in my hometown. But then I went on a tour [despite the fact that I've been there too many times to count] and now I'm all confused. WTF.

Anyway, last night I had a dream that I was going to school at Millikin. It really wasn't a weird dream, either. I just went to class, hung out with friends, and did normal college things.[There was this one part, though, that involved a really cute guy. Oh yeah.]

So how am I supposed to know which college is the right one for me? Is this dream trying to tell me that Millikin is the way to go? Some people might take it as a sign, my subconscious telling me that I really do want to go there. And I probably would have taken it that way in the past. But this is such a huge decision, I can't let one measly little dream do it for me. I keep telling people that I'll definitely know by March. "I don't know how I'll know, but I'll know," I always say. But as March keeps getting closer [this year is going fast, people] I'm still stuck at the same place I've been since the beginning of the school year. I have absolutely no clue. I don't know how I'm going to decide or where I'll be next year. It's both scary and exciting. But mostly scary.

I don't know what I'm doing any more. But I'll probably die from an anxiety induced heart attack before next year even comes. Between English 101, calculus, and trying to choose which college to go to, my future is not looking too good right now.

In other, happier news, my scholastic bowl team [of which I'm the captain, go nerds!] is undefeated! We've only had two matches.... but still. Undefeated is undefeated.

Elsie and Pell

"Hey Elsie, why don't I ever get to drive places anymore?"
"Are you really asking me that?"
"Did you really just answer my question with a question?"
"Are we really going through this again?"
"Just answer the question."
"You don't know?"
"If you don't answer my question I'm going to--"
"Fine, fine. Well, first off you take every corner going AT LEAST thirty, you try to 'pop wheelies' at the curb when we're in a parking lot, stoplights and traffic signs clearly mean nothing to you, and if that's not good enough, you have a catch phrase you use often: I can make it! Even when you obviously can't."
"Wow."
"Exactly, Pell, exactly."
"No. I thought you enjoyed it."
"Enjoyed what?"
"The Pell Driving Experience. I mean, Elsie, you lead a pretty boring life. I figure--"
"Hey!"
"--might as well spice it up, let her experience the rush of a brush with death."
"You are a piece of work."
"You'll thank me later. Just wait for my next adventure for you..."
"What?! No. I refuse to take part. You are crazy if you think I will--hey! Don't walk away, I'm not done here!"

"And there, perched comfortably on my pillow, was Markus."
"Markus as in the spider who taunted you as a child."
"Yes, Elsie, is there any other Markus?"
"Well, there's Mar--"
"Rhetorical: meaning shut the hell up."
"Pell. That is so not what rhetorical means."
"Can I please get back to my story? Thank you. As I was saying, there was Markus. Like I hadn't taken charge so long ago and forced him from my room forever."
"Right, by killing him."
"Elsie! No! I could never--. Well, you know."
"Did I not just watch you knock out Gary Remelman in gym yesterday?"
"Yeah, but i didn't kill him! Sometimes you are so impossible. No. I asked him, kindly, to never show his feet-tickling, web-spinning, head-dangling face again. And he didn't. Until now."
"Head-dangling?"
"When I tried to sleep at night he would dangle above my head and taunt me."
"Huh. So what'd you do?"
"Captured him. Snuck him into the caf and released him--"
"How humanitarian of you."
"In Rob's milk."
"Pell!"
"Oh shush, it's not like I poisoned him. He almost got a dose of--. Well never mind."