Day 14

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

I couldn't imagine not having my family in my life. For the obvious reason, I literally wouldn't be here if it weren't for my parents. Well, duh Kate. But, seriously, I couldn't imagine not having them in my life, not being close to them. My whole life we've been a super close family. Every summer for as long as I can remember we go on a family vacation. Last year we went to Tennessee, this year we're going to Colorado for the 3rd time. I guess it's because of all the things like this that we do together. As much as I fight with my mom she's an incredible woman and a huge support to me. She really is one of the strongest women I know and she's helped me through so much. And I've already dedicated a whole post about my dad.

My brother, Conor, and I haven't really been all that close growing up. I mean, obviously, we're pretty close considering we're only 3 years apart and have lived together our whole lives. But we're not like best friends. We fought an awful lot when we were younger. Sometimes it got so bad that while my parents were at work she'd call my gramma. My grandparents live like 4 streets away, so she'd just show up. That's when we knew we were in for it when our parents got home. But as we've gotten older we've gotten closer. We've realized that it's not worth it to be fighting all the time. Now we have actual conversations and make time to do stuff together. And I know that as my older brother he'll always be there for me when I need him.

It's just hard to imagine not having that support system I've grown up with. We've definitely been through some really tough times. It amazes me how we've managed to get through them together and still remain as close as ever. I'm so extremely grateful and thankful to have them. And I know how incredibly lucky I am. It really does make me sad that some people just don't have that. I hope that some day when I have a family of my own I can provide my children lives the way my parents have for my brother and me.

Hoppy Easter!

Happy Easter!

I really don't know how I'm still awake. I went to bed at 1 a.m. last night and got up at 6:30 a.m. Mass was at 8:30 but my dad was convinced we had to get there at least a half hour early. We did the usual church, Easter baskets, lunch at my mom's family's, and then dinner at my dad's family's. Going to my grandpa Jerry's house is still weird to me. It just feels so weird to go there and not have Gramma W there. I keep expecting her to come shuffling in offering sandwiches and pop. But I know she's there in spirit. And it's important to not let Grandpa feel lonely and sad all the time. All in all a good Easter, I got Just Dance 2 for my Wii! I'm sensing a dance party in the near future... And I got some adorable pastel pink Sperry Topsiders. They are so adorable, I love Sperrys.Not to mention I had Mt Dew for the first time in 6 weeks. I'm extremely content right now.

Little side note, my best friend's last name is Easter! Actually, I'm an Easter, too. It's my mom's mom's maiden name. So me and Jordin are not only best friends, but 2nd cousins. Hope you had a happy Easter!

Day 09

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Without a doubt, my lovely father. I'm not going to say I have a favorite parent, that's just not right. But I can say that I'm definitely closer to my dad. I think part of the reason is because we're so similar. It's actually kind of freaky. We both have this strong sense of right and wrong. And if we don't do what's "right" we feel intense guilt. He always knows if something's bothering me. He also knows me well enough to know when I want to talk about it and when I don't. Which I think is really important. When I don't want to talk about something I tend to become very obstinate and defensive. But whenever I go to him about anything he always know exactly what to say. When my gramma died this past winter it was hard for everyone, especially him. That's really the first time I've ever seen my dad get really upset. [I was too young to remember when my grandpa died.] I'd like to think we helped each other through it. By helping me through so many things in my past he's also shown me how to help others.

Day 07

I couldn't decide between two items so I decided to include both of them.

A picture of you most treasured item(s).

I know it's kind of cliche for a girl's favorite item to be a a pair of shoes but I can't help myself. I've had these boots since the 7th grade. So I've had them for about 5 years now. (I have a mild addiction to boots. You should see my collection.) The inside of them are worn down. What traction there once was is now completely gone. The toe of one boot is completely torn. And the black is worn down and stained. I know it's kind of ridiculous to have a pair of shoes for so long, especially if they're falling apart. But I got these shoes right before I turned 13 and I feel like they've been through everything with me. I don't really even care that they're not that cute anymore. During the winter I wear them practically everyday. I'll probably keep wearing them until it's physically impossible to keep them on my feet. And even then I doubt if I'll throw them out.

You can't really tell what that is, but it's a bracelet with a piano charm on it. I don't usually wear a whole lot of jewelry but I wear this one a lot. My gramma F gave it to me for my 16th birthday last year. She got me a piano charm because my birthday was right after I won the piano competition. She's given me lots of presents over the years, and to be honest I've gotten rid of about half of them. (What? Don't look at me like that. She had like 30 people to buy for, it's not like she could be choosy.) But this one was really special to me because I know she put a lot of thought and trouble into getting it for me. It's also the last birthday present she ever gave me. I would say last present but she had bought her Christmas presents before she died. All the women in the family got watches and all the men got billfolds (it was easier for her to stick to one main theme). I'll keep this for the rest of my life and probably pass it down to my daughter if (when) she takes up piano.

snowsnowsnow!

It snowed today!!! Okay, it wasn't the first snow of the season. It snowed a wee bit on Thanksgiving, not enough to stick. Today there was like an inch. An inch really isn't a lot, but it's promising. I absolutely love snow and winter in general. Some people hate it, but I can't get enough. I don't know, something about winter just feels magical. The way the ice glistens on the trees; the crunch of snow beneath my brand new Sperry Top-Siders; curling up beneath a blanket, reading a good novel while the winter wind whistles outside. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. It also contains my most favorite holiday ever, CHRISTMAS! I love the whole Christmas season. I really can't contain myself. I know it will be kind of hard on everybody this year, because of my gramma passing, but I think she would want us to really have a good one this year. I think we'll all appreciate each other a little more because of it. Oh, I also can't forget to mention that my birthday's in February.

We finally got our Christmas tree today. We went out to the local hardware store where the Boy Scouts sell them every year. After we had picked out our own my dad goes, "We should get Aunt Patti a tree, too, shouldn't we?" Aunt Patti is my dad's oldest sister. We're really close, I only have two other girl cousins, but they're not really around all that much. So my aunt Patti and aunt Mary kind of dote on me. So we picked out a small-ish one and strapped it to the top of the Cherokee with our own. She lives on the ground floor of the family's old house and my cousin Michael lives on the top floor with his girlfriend Shannon. We got there and she looked like she was going to cry. Michael and Dad set it all up for her. She said that she wasn't really in the mood this year, but by the time we left she was already looking for all her decorations and talking about going shopping for lights.We haven't put our own tree up yet, I think we're doing that tomorrow. I can't wait, I just love the way Christmas trees smell.

After dinner we went and visited my grampa Jerry. It was weird because it was so quiet. The whole family had practically been living there all week. There was no one else with him, so there wasn't any excitement. I felt really sad as soon as I walked in. It just wasn't the same without her there. You could just tell something was missing. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I just miss her so much, everyone does. Their dog Cubby was acting unlike himself. Usually he's all playful and jumpy, but tonight he laid down the whole time and kept looking at the doors expectantly. He kind of freaked me out, at one point he looked directly over my shoulder. Not at me, at the the area above my shoulder. I guess I'm just superstitious.

It seems weird that I have to go back to school tomorrow (I have four days of homework to finish tomorrow, joy). School just seems like a completely different, unrelated life. It was easier at Gramma's house, because everyone else there was going through the same thing. We all had this huge thing in common, we were all dealing with it. I feel like no one will really get it at school. I know they've all lost people in their lives, but not the same person as me. But it helps to know that I have family member I'm close to and can talk to about things.

Wow, long blog today! Guess I'm just making up for the past few months. Buenos noches, amigos!

"My wild Irish rose, the sweetest flower that grows..."

My gramma F (W) passed away early morning this past Tuesday. God, I don't even know where to start. You could say I'm still in kind of a daze about it all. It just doesn't seem real. The funeral visitation is tonight, the funeral tomorrow. It'll probably hit me then. I wouldn't say it was much of a shocker. She was seventy-eight years old and her health had steadily been going down hill for the past year or so. She'd been through so much; she was a fighter, for sure. I think we all sort of saw it coming, her especially. Just the things she would say and do; we were over there for Thanksgiving and she was pretty insistent about giving my dad a wooden crucifix that had been my grampa W's..

I'm not going to get into the details much. I mean, I really don't think that's what's most important, anyways. That's not what we're going to remember about her in the future. I'm mostly just writing this to honor her a bit. I wanted to do a reading at the funeral, but I think I'm going to be wayyyy too emotional for that.

Gramma was really an amazing, wonderful person. My dad is the middle of nine kids, so the household was a bit tight. Gramma didn't work and my grampa worked three jobs at one point, just trying to feed everyone. She somehow always managed to get everyone fed, though. They say she was constantly doing laundry, cooking, and doing everything the kids needed her to. I don't know if I could even do it. She loved them so much. They were her life. They didn't exactly live in the best part of town, so some of the families that lived around them weren't exactly ideal. My dad was telling me how whenever one of the neighbor kids needed somewhere else to stay she would always let them. She even let one of them move in with the family. He said that you never went to dinner expecting it to be just the family, there were always other people. But somehow, even with all those kids, no one left the table hungry. She make it work somehow.

She wasn't like that with just her kids, though. Gramma always took care of my cousins and I. First thing she'd ask when we came over was if we were hungry. Then she'd go into the kitchen and start putting sandwiches together. It didn't matter whether you were even hungry or not, you were going to eat that sandwich. When I was really little, after my grampa W. died, we used to go over and stay at her apartment with her. She would let us stay up as late as we wanted. My uncle Kenny was living with her then and she would always make him go get us pizzas. We'd stay up late eating pizza, drink Surge (remember that stuff?), eating candy, and just being idiots. I'm pretty sure I saw my first rated-R movie at her apartment when I was like five. You could just tell how much she loved us.

I don't even know if anyone read this or not. And it really doesn't even matter to me. I kind of felt like I just needed to say something. My gramma was one of the greatest people on this earth. She had the biggest heart, the warmest heart. And I'm extremely proud to be able to call myself her granddaughter. We're all going to miss her so much. But it's a comfort knowing that she's no longer in pain. She's with Grampa W now, and she's with God. Rest in peace Gramma, and know that we all love and miss you so, so much.