Breakin' the Law

Last Wednesday. Ho-hum. Ever had one of those days where you look back and say, "If I had done this one little thing my day would have been ten times better." Or perhaps, " If I hadn't done this one thing I could have avoided a catastrophe mistake." Well that's how last Wednesday went for me.

It was a dark and stormy night... Okay, not so much. Actually, it was a normal day. So normal, that I really can't recall much of anything that happened that day. Or maybe this one incident just over-shadows everything else. I suppose I woke up, went to school, came home from school... And got a speeding ticket. Yep, my first ever.

The neighborhood I live in is surrounded by a golf course. Not good. I hate the golfers. For some reason they think they're all hot and stuff and can do whatever pleases them. For the purposes of this post, please refer to the drawing I have beautifully created.

 The horizontal street you see is the street I, and most of my friends in my neighborhood, take to get to and from school. Originally there was supposed to be an underground tunnel that connected both sides of the golf course underneath the street. However, due to poor planning on the park district's part, there was nay money to fund such a fairytale. Then they proposed closing the street altogether so the pretty little golfers could safely cross the street on their fatmobiles golf carts. Big no-no from the city. Instead, they put up a speed limit of 25 mph along about half of the street. The speed limit on the rest of the street is 40 mph, just as it has been for as long as I can remember. [You only have to go 25 mph when the light on the speed limit sign blinks. Which is pretty much all day.] See the street where the cop park ranger car is? Well it's pretty well known for park rangers to sit there and try to catch people speeding. This was actually the first time I've seen one there.

So I was driving along on my way home from jamming to some music. I'll be the first to admit that I don't actually go 25 mph. Usually I slow down to 30-35 mph over the cross walk and then speed back up. I mean, that's what most people do. As I turn into my neighborhood I look into my rear view mirror and see those stupid red and blue lights. At first I have this insane thought, "Okay, maybe I'm not getting pulled over. Maybe he's just trying to get around me." Duh. Of course not, I was just being stupid. He pulls over behind me and gets out of the car. "Miss, you were going so fast you were burning rubber!" Right, because tires burn rubber going 43 mph. Then he tried to tell me I didn't use my turn signal turning into my neighborhood. Which is a lie, I know I used it. [I've been told by many people I overuse my turn signal. But that's only because I hate it when people don't use it.] Mind you it wasn't even a police officer, it was a park ranger. He asks for my license and registration. And what do you know. I had forgotten my license. I think at that point I was ready to cry.

So after he comes back to my window after searching for my license number he says, "I could get you for four violations right now." Then he stopped talking and just looked at me. I think he wanted me to cry. Which I did, but that's not the point. He didn't need to be a jerk about it. Then he goes, "However, I'm only going to give you a ticket for going 43 in a 25." And, of course, he was all smug about it. I know he was being nice, but you could tell he knew he was being nice. Then I drove the 2 minutes I had left to drive to my house.

Now I have to go next Wednesday to the state attorney's office to get court supervision. Basically, if I don't get a ticket in the next six months the speeding ticket will be taken off my record. I have to pay $120 for the ticket and $100 for the court supervision. I'm so mad. Mostly at myself and a little at the park ranger. Plus any time I tell anyone I got a ticket from a park ranger they laugh. The one time I didn't get stuck behind an elderly person actually driving the speed limit there's a park ranger! Ugh.

Day 18

A picture of your biggest insecurity.

I have honestly been putting this one off for a while. I've probably mentioned this before, but I have a thyroid disease that slows down my metabolism. We first learned about it when I was ten. From that time period on my biggest insecurity has been my weight. I know I'm not obese, or even big. But there were definitely times in my life when I felt that I was. I struggled so much when I was younger with my weight. I would see all my friend and think to myself how unfair it was that they were skinny and I wasn't. Why couldn't I be like them? I would get all into exercising and eating right. Then suddenly I would ask myself why. It didn't matter how hard I tried, I'd never be like them. Because of this my weight has fluctuated a lot over the past four years.

Until recently I couldn't deal with the emotional stress of being overweight, and then not, and then being overweight again. And so on. Now I find it easier to accept that, yeah, I may never be skinny. I may never be a size 2 or even a 6 or 8. But that's okay. The most important thing to me now is just being healthy. Eating right because I feel good and whole afterward. Running not because I enjoy running, but because I have more energy. Don't get me wrong, in doing these things I do hope to be more slender. I also haven't completely thrown my weight issues out of the window either. I don't think I ever will. But I am able to make myself understand that I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else. Comparing myself to others isn't healthy, and no good can ultimately come out of it.

*This picture is from my eighth grade trip to Washington, D.C. I consider this the low point of my self-esteem problems.

Day 17

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

This would be a picture of a Billiken. For those who don't know, which is probably most you, the Billiken is Saint Louis University's mascot. You may be thinking to yourself, what the hell is a Billiken? Don't worry, I thought the same exact thing. He started out as a kind of good luck charm in the early 1900s. If you bought one it would bring you luck, but if someone gave one to you, you had better luck. I think it was more of a Japanese thing, than American. But SLU supposedly chose him as the mascot because it's said he resembles coach John R. Bender [I would be slightly insulted if I were him].

I recently went down to St. Louis with my parents for a campus tour of SLU. And I have to say, as of right now, SLU is probably my top choice for college. It's completely different from all the other colleges I've looked at. Most of them are in towns similar to the one I live in, which isn't that big. Originally, that's what I wanted, to go to a small college in a town like my own. But now I'm not so sure. It would be totally different from what I'm used to if I went to college in St. Louis or Indianapolis. SLU is definitely the biggest, it has 8,000 undergraduates and 5,000 graduates. This seems kind of intimidating to me, but I think I could handle it. While it is a 2 hour drive from my hometown, I do have family that I'm close to living in St. Louis. The campus was big, to be expected, but it was gorgeous and didn't seem as overwhelming as I thought it would be. Most importantly, is the accounting program, I could get my masters in 5 years! The shorter I have to be in college, the better. But we'll see how it all works out. I've still got to get through applying and my senior year.

Day 16

A picture of someone who inspires you.

I was scared of this day because I wasn't sure who I was going to chose. Should I chose Emma Watson, simply because of how talented, determined, smart, etc she is? Or should I chose my grandmother because of how strong and spunky she is? There were so many different ways I could have gone with this. But when I heard about Dame Maggie Smith's story I knew instantly I was going to chose her. For those who don't know, or realize, who Dame Maggie Smith is, she's the actress who portrays Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter movies. I was perusing my tumblr feed a couple days ago when a post caught my eye. In it I saw something about Dame Maggie Smith and breast cancer [whaaaa?]. Apparently she filmed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince mid-treatment for breast cancer. “I was hairless. I had no problem getting the wig on. I was like a boiled egg." If that's not inspiring, I don't know what is. I find it hard not to look up to someone who survives on pure dedication and will power. [Here's an article from 2009 where she talks about it.]

I SURVIVED SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011

Photo from space of the blizzard

Did everyone survive the snowpocalypse?! That was just insane. I think we got like eight inches and about a half inch of ice underneath that. But it was weird... it was like a combination of snow and ice, so dense. I managed to survive, but not by much. Yep, I had yet another near death experience. This time like, for real, for real.

On Monday while we were at school it started to snow, sleet, and rain. So we got our band director to cancel jazz band rehearsal, which was after school. My friends A.J. and Chase asked for a ride home (they both live in my neighborhood). We get out to the gravel parking lot (a TERRIBLE parking lot, it's where the sophomores and juniors have to park and it's super far from the school) and all of the cars are covered in a solid layer of ice. It's not frosted or anything. Sheer ice. So I turn my car on and get the defroster going like it's actually going to help. I grab my scraper and get to work. And I am getting nowhere. And neither is anyone else. It was actually kind of comical because pretty much everyone had their cars running while they were trying to scrap the ice off. Finally after about five minutes Chase grabs my other scraper and starts helping me and then A.J. gets fed up and takes mine. He was getting so angry, it was kind of funny. I couldn't have planned that one any better, two guys scraping my car for me? Score!

We're like the first people done, I almost stopped and helped one of them. But it was still sleeting/snowing, so I was like eh, whatever. I felt bad, but it's not my fault they didn't have two guys willing to scrape their windows. We get onto the highway and of course, get stuck behind a salt truck. I know they roads were like super icy, but he was going twenty miles per hour! Not okay. So I pass him and my band director.

We're driving down the interstate at about forty (which I didn't think was that bad, but I was wrong) when suddenly my car starts fishtailing. Which is nothing new, I've fishtailed plenty in my experience. But then I notice that I can't seem to turn my wheel fast enough. And then I notice that I don't really have control anymore. And then I notice that both sides of the interstate are kind of busy. Then I have this moment of holy crap, I'm no longer in control of my life. Have you ever felt this? This overwhelming feeling of how fragile your life is and there's nothing you can do to keep it from getting shattered? It's terrifying, and I won't lie it's also somehow exhilarating.

The next five seconds seem to go by really fast, but then again slow. Suddenly, for some unexplainable reason, I start hysterically laughing. I always thought I'd scream when I was near death, but nope, apparently I laugh. And I hear A.J. next me going "Holy shit! Holy shit!" over and over again really fast. (I don't know what Chase was doing in the back seat.) My car fishtails completely around so I'm facing the wrong way, and we slide sideways into the median (which is actually a strip of grass). I can picture that short amount of time that we were on the median perfectly in my head. It probably only lasted like half a second, but it was a long time. There was this moment where A.J. and I looked at each other, eyes wide, and shared this brainwave of Oh. Shit. I was sure we were about to flip. Like 100% sure. I could feel the car start to lean. Which wouldn't be good because a) flipping a car is never good and b) there was a whole line of traffic coming down that side of the interstate and we would probably cause a pile up.

But then next thing I know we're on the other side of the interstate, opposite of where we were originally, going the correct way down the interstate, back towards the school. How? I couldn't tell you. I have absolutely no clue. That's how I know there's a God. Because I'm sorry that just goes against any laws of physics. No one really seems to know how we survived that one. So I turned around when we got to the exit and headed home like nothing happened. And yes, I did drive thirty the whole way home. We could not believe it. It just didn't seem real. It happened so quickly. Looking back we were like, all right, now that we know we're not going to die that was actually pretty awesome. But my God.

*Moment of silence contemplating the almost end of my short life*

Aaaaaand... moving on. I mean what else can I do? I probably give off the impression that I'm a bad driver. But I'm really not. I'm a fast driver, but that day I was going slow and not messing around. Sometimes stuff like that just happens. And it usually happens to me. The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. Excepting the fact we just went through a mini-ice age. Thankfully we live pretty much in town so we never lost power, but the rest of my school district is out in the country. A lot of them lost power for a day, but some lost power until last night. I've never actually witnessed a blizzard, and I have to say it was kind of cool. Of course, everyone pretty much freaked out... But I kind of liked it. I love winter when it's like this.

Those cars are FROZEN to Lake Shore Drive

Did anyone hear about what happened in Chicago? Insane! All those cars frozen on Lake Shore Drive? I just can't wrap my brain around how much of the U.S. was hit by this storm. We had the last three days out of school. Shocked? I know, I was too. I was kind of hoping we'd have today off too, but a six-day weekend is just too much to ask for.

Well, I didn't plan on the blog being this long... I'll have another one up soon, because there's still more I want to write about. But I hate long blogs so I won't add on any more.

Protesters at Tahrir Square in Cairo

Oh! And there's only three days until my seventeenth birthday! And two until the Super Bowl!

Crap! One more thing. I've been trying to follow what's been happening in Egypt, and I found this article. It's really moving and personal. I strongly suggest you read it.

Adieu.

It's sad to say, but I've come to the realization that some friendships just aren't meant to last. They call friendship a flower, it's a beautiful thing. It blossoms and flourishes to become a colorful, magnificent flower. But like most flowers, it will wither and die. Maybe that's just how they are, but I find it hard to believe that it's meant to be that way. Once it withers, though, there's no going back. Things are said, looks are exchanged, that you can never take back.

People grow and change. I had always been told that as I grow older I would most likely grow apart from people I called my best friends. I never listened to them, I thought they were wrong. There was no way that could happen to us. This wouldn't be the first time I'm wrong. As a matter of fact we did change. I, for the better, all though I know she disagrees. We no longer see eye-to-eye, she thrives on the drama she denies she created. I leave my seeds of secrets to people now closer to my heart and mind. I know she resents that, but how should I trust someone who talks behind my back?

I don't want to lay the blame on either side, I know that isn't fair. But I think that if she really had wanted to save the friendship we had, she should have came to me. It is not all right to talk to others, without talking to me, and tell how it's all my fault. It is not okay to go to Facebook and make an accusatory status about me. It may not have been direct, but everyone was aware of whom it was about. Come to me first, if you really wanted to fix it. I cannot honestly believe you cared all that much.

I've come to the conclusion that this flower is dead. The petals are shed, the stem is dry, and the colors have faded. I never thought that I would say this, but it's kind of a relief. I know where I stand. I know who I am. I think she should know that I've moved on from our friendship. After all that's happened I don't think it could ever be the same. So let's just part ways and leave things be. We're older now and I really don't find all this drama worth the hassle. I smile at the thought of all the good times we had, and, in the end, that's what I'll remember most.